Crests and Troughs

Maybe the storm, maybe the calm , or maybe the hand..

2008-12-15T06:35:00.000-08:00

I know its been a while, but I guess now I am back in the flow.. When I am writing this post I have a million things in my head which are big enough to have stayed there but also too small for me to be paying attention to them . Today, I feel like a fish who has met the water or like a stranger who has met another stranger.

I call it the

HOMECOMING

I had heard the thunder that was to come
I had felt the wave that was to come
I had steered before we had sailed
I had been hung to death before I was jailed..

Soon I found myself at the captain’s helm,
as everyone around me was jumping ship.
As the cruel dark clouds loomed just above the bow,
and the torrential rains began to fall
I just could not have braved the storm

My soul was  like the oar that momently
dies in a desperate stress beneath the wave,
then glitters out again and sweeps the sea
each second I was new-born from some new grave

The nights, agitated by the growing storm,
every thought suddenly expanded its dimensions
"like that the ordinarily would go unnoticed
like a cloth folded, and hidden in the folds of time"
leapt aimlessly , hopelessly to hold on to my albatross
knelt helplessly, waited for it to pass,


The thunder was no longer grim
The lightening was now growing dim
The rain was now getting slim
As the storm rolled on,When the storm was done 
I could almost see the sun
deep yonder swept me, beyond worriesome cries

woke up, " How still,How strangely still
The water is today,
It is not good for water
To be so still that way"
Silence fearful as the grave,
In the mighty waste of ocean
Sunk to rest was every wave.

"Sleep, sleep lazy fool
You’ve fought to long
There are terrors to come
You won’t sleep forever
Cause you’ll never be done" cried the dark lord..

The soul screamed, the lie seemed so real, 
reality seemed like a dream
the soul schemed, like a soldier had tried 
to fight a make believe enemy
someone stood there waving a hand at me
I wondered if I could just hold it to see

sun burning on the salt filled wounds,
I stretch forward to take the hand,
in a stumble to reach for her touch,
like the smoke does in a mist, it disappears
as always I was left just grasping air

It's for whom, that I tasted what i could never have
as I lay motionless there on the deck
I wanted to steer to where the mist had gone
the next moment I was lying under my grave stone
saw through my grave the mist, the smoke, the hand
only to feel the weight of the flowers it'd kept...

They sicken of the calm, those who knew the storm .

Failure.....

2007-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we yearn for money, sometimes for fame , sometimes for sleep .... but have you ever yearned for someone? For those who have , I understand how tough it is.. and those who haven't.. well you have just been plain lucky..

When we lose hope of being able to be with someone, we turn away ,distancing ourselves from the past, basically from that person so that our lives dont intersect...but what we so often forget is that the fact that we loved the other person so much , will not let us forget them...

The following poem just reflects the state of mind of a person who had loved...........someone who had loved and lost...

A few days ago, in the past that I can not mend
Beaten! Lost!! I took along my friend
I had to go, had to leave someone behind
Had to live in the present, leave the future blind

Backpacking???? people asked me where to?
Honestly ,I said " Anywere, somewhere, i dont know"
I left, strangely, with John Denver on my lips..
Eager to ride the tides, jump of cliffs...

I ran away, ran as far as I could.
Through the jungle, across the woods
Beyond the hills, past the mountain
Alas!! I had to stop at the ocean.

Somehow!! I lost, I couldn't escape
Still my dreams, she would invade
I saw her in the sun, I could see her in the rain
I felt her in the pleasure, i could feel her in the pain..

I thought of her in the early morning light
Thought of her, waiting for sleep at night
I Sensed her, as the clouds surrounded me
Sensed her, witn every wave in the sea..

Fool that I was, I wished I will win..
Nothing worked.. vodka, whisky, rum or gin
As there is still blood rushing through my veins..
Failiure I am, as still..her memory remains..

I know someday I can get over her, the question still remains is Whether I want to???

Me Myself and I

2007-06-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why i resumed blogging , maybe because moti explained its purpose to me today, but now that i have done, let me put up something in the same tune as moti's latest post (rohanjain.wordpress.com)

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I was feeling bored, a little lonely infact in this shithole called bangalore so as I so often do, i went for a walk alone and there I met three rather strange but similar people who put things in perspective

Come! !Solitude, my friend
Accompany me tonight.
come!!sit to my side
and bring your glass and pour in it
the anguish of solitary hearts.

inside its dark ,just the way i like
making it hard to breathe,its deep,
I wonder, if its only one of those sympathy strike
when i decide to escape,the walls are too steep
there is no one to help me,Am I too weak to help myself
my fingers don't hold ,so i'm stuck, in my hole
like always

I prodigalize my time on myself,
not becuase i have no other option,
Its my right, my prerogative
or maybe because, my psyche is not for auction

First I am apprehensive, what would I think of myself?
i am nervous, the words wont just leave my mouth,
I am ignorant,as to what one can talk to oneself?
I am perplexed,Do i cry, do I scream , or do i shout?

I was in thought, i didnt have to say things anymore
How I knew of things I never told myself..
I was shocked, to my inner core
How my self had been reading books off my mind's shelf

Then and there it struck, what I hade been missing,
All this while when I was a looking for a listening ear
I had myself, someone who understood even my hissing,
I realised what great company I am, isnt it queer?

I dont know why I was there!,
I am not a victim TO self-pity nor am I blind.
I got up at once , and started to leave,
but no! i had left someone behind....

Come solitude!
Let´s leave to walk and let´s scream to the world
the drunkenness of the sadness, we diminished
that tonight we drank its agony
in hope,happiness and belief it finished!!

Those who walk alone,walk the fastest .. those who walk with hope , walk the happiest..which side are you on?

Too Much Too Fast

2006-02-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

How do I say goodbye to you
When we never really said hello?
Is it any easier to walk away from the seeds of Love?
Never given time to root and grow?

Sometimes I think I still can’t live without you.
A dull ache inside me
Realizes my yearning to be a part of your life.
If anything, you could only pull me out of this strife.

I make it through with the hope
That only time stands between us,
And each day will bring you closer.
But, I grow impatient
Why can’t it be tomorrow or sometime sooner?

Why can’t you ever love me?
When I’ve loved you for so long?
Perhaps you could just try to see
That maybe I belong.

The seasons have come and gone.
I never hear your name.
I don’t even know if to me you are known?
The thought that I ever loved you, drenches me in shame.

I will not remember the words you spoke so carelessly
That meant everything to me from the beginning to the end,
Filling me with new hope and new life.
But, killing me, my heart without granting a chance to defend.

At last! The time has come
When I no longer see your face in my dreams.
No more do I weep for you,
And reach out to hold you near me.
I do not hear your gentle voice singing in my head.
I dont Love you any more, I hate you Instead.

My love was always wrong.
Fool that I, believe in true happiness,
Thinking that my fairy tale had come true,
And my "Queen of Roses" had come to stay,
When she only came to say goodbye

When I put my life through the scanner,
I think I should have moved on in different manner
Is it that I didn’t do enough to make it last,
Or just that everything happened a little too much a little too fast.

To love something that you hate takes forever,but to hate something that you love takes only an instant

Adios

2005-12-20T23:00:00.000-08:00

I know its been a while since I have posted anything but as they all say

“Ayush ke ghar der hai magar andher nahi”

But to be very frank I never quite got the hang of blogging, it’s a shame that I still feel like that after ten posts but I have to reconcile to the fact that I enjoyed writing those posts.

But its time that I came to terms with the reality that blogging just is not for me.

Its takes a lot of drive to keep these things going ,that’s why I rate Maniraj as a good blogger because day in day out he keeps on coming up with tickling posts. I also adore the manner in which Taru wrote, I liked the finesse with which she made bold statements.

But since I can’t do either I am calling it quits.

Bbye

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

Confessions

2005-11-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

Here is what a boring lecture of Digital Electronics has produced.

CONFESSION

On a lovely winter morning
With the cool wind in my hair
Her invigorating fragrance filling up my lungs
I am elated just because, she’s here

She puts a garden of Roses to shame
Her eyes as glittering as two gems
Like candles in a holy place
Such is the innocence on my friend’s face

She talks like a dream
Cradles me like a mother
The way I like her I like no other
She believes its love, I don’t, or I just won’t.

I guess its time for a little fun as well.

The kid in the picture is patti's cousin. His real name is bandadge and his nickname is noddy. Actually the lights in Patti's house are so bright that he has to wear sunglasses.

(tanu kaala chachhma jachhta hai, jachhta hai tere mukhre pe)

One has to fall inorder to rise, that is, a trough is just as important as a crest

Not Much to Say!!

2005-11-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself - Plato
I took Taru's advice to think less, So i do not have much to write as well.
When all men think alike, no one thinks very much

FRIENDS:- Are they for real

2005-11-13T02:58:00.000-08:00

When I was young I wrote a poem, it started like:---

In this world of changing trends,

Those who’ll remain the same forever are friends,

Mother is the one who gives us birth ,

But our friends are our true guides on this earth.

Hmmmm….not quite. I guess I erred here, things are not static as it seemed to me and dynamics is ruling the world (in fact our applied mechanics course as well). I have started to do one thing these days that annoys me more than anything else I have ever done that is I have started becoming dependent on people(by this I don’t mean for work) but emotionally. The reader might think that it’s to do with a girl but I assure you loving a girl is too hot for me to handle, it’s my increasing dependence on my friends that bothers me. I wonder if it’s right to have as foundation a thing which itself isn’t stable. I have never been like that I used to be aloof but a lot of interested faces have got me entrapped into the dependence net, but I sure know how to disengage myself. I most certainly remember my favourite lines "I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known, dont know where it goes, but its only me and I walk alone"

The second and perhaps the most fatal error made by me these days is the way I have started expecting people to react in a certain way. It’s not about material but about people’s feeling. What I have started assuming is that my friends would understand my feelings exactly, my words would be interpreted only as they are meant and most importantly my concern will be reciprocated. I have fell flat on my face not once but twice or thrice in the last week, that itself makes me wonder how could I? Maybe I forgot friends can also change with the trends.

I guess it pays to listen to your dad, cause he once told me “Son go on, go make as many friends you want but beware cause most relationships in this world are unidirectional ,so do what you feel like for them but expect nothing and nothing at all because if you do that you are setting yourself for disappointment and the other person for embarrassment”. Was he right, shucks…. I should have agreed then but I most certainly do now.

Friends do change but the most important question do they change into someone whom you might not like? I know what Mani would say on this “maayush yaar all good things come to an end and so does friendship”, but I somehow disagree. I feel people change but friendship lasts specially if the feeling is on both sides , as for the one sided cases it depends on the perseverance of the idiot(in many cases its me).

Lately I have been told by quite a few people that I have changed and not for good.

All I can say on this is I have become a little more circumspect and a little self analytical as well because as my mother once said to me “ if you keep on making fun of life , life will end up making fun of you”. It for no reasons means I am not looking at the lighter side of things , its just that the other side also appeals to me.

Mani once said to me “ friends are for free” that is friends are as transient as maybe the Indian cricket team’s fortunes. I guess he had a point, friends do change but isn’t it our duty to ask them the reason for the change and help them unchanged for good or what is required of us to sit and back and speculate and distance ourselves from them because they are no longer the people we liked.I

Oh shit I am expecting again, sorry Dad.

In the last few days I have been surprised to say the least by people around me but I am sure to bounce back(those who have seen me would agree that its not tough for me as I am almost as round as a ball).

I really don’t know where am I going with this post but all I needed to tell you was next time you think your friend is changing, talk him through rather than sitting back and relaxing. Then again its not my job to tell people how they must act with friends , all I can say is that’s the way I do. I guess someone has very correctly said

True friends stab you,but only in the front

MAJOR ACTS

2005-11-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

Why do people have to act in normal life. Here in IIT ,in the last few days of the semester the acting talents of people around are on a high. Hardly 5% of the people act normal ant the others are either acting too busy or too free or too cool or too perturbed. I can be wrong in my observations but I really do feel its all to do with the mind how they want to present them in public rather than what is actually going on in their lives. With the majors round the corner we get to see a variety of specimens as to the way in which they carry themselves. I at best can broadly categorize them into four types

Frantic Fighters:- This species is by far the most abundant one. People who haven’t studied for all the semester now struggle against the lack of time and panic is bound to creep in their lives. The best part about these kind of people is they will be the first ones to admit that they didn’t do anything all semester. The fighters have this knack of scraping through in the end but after several heart attacks and sleepless nights

Studious student:- People who act normal cause studying for them is normal. They have worked hard all the time and are doing it right now as well ,so its majors are not a big deal. I personally like this batch of people as they are a reservoir of notes, tut sheets and almost everything that you would need for the exams

Look busy do nothing Types:- The most interesting type not too rare. They would act as if they are studying 10-12 hrs a day, very busy and don’t have times for fun but are actually wasting more time than anyone else.

Cool Maggu’s :- the kind of people who are very difficult to track and are the most deceptive ones. A person of this type would be the most happy go lucky person in the group but at the same time he would all in his right to ensure a good grade for himself. The sad part about people acting this way is that they will always try to convince others that he is not studying and he gets grades only because he is a lucky bastard.

I guess there are all kinds of people around us and I am sure all of us would also fit into any one of the category. If someone reads it I would like him to tell me what he thinks of himself and which category would he put himself into. I use “him” but females are also welcome.

KNOCKING ON HEAVEN'S DOOR

2005-11-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

Brevity is the soul of human conversation

.

Well said, isn’t it?
To be brief in conversations is the essence of a good speaker and respecting the above quote I will also be brief about what this post is all about.
Jokes are good no matter what they are, but it’s the brief ones that really tickle me.
And one of my favourite genre are the KNOCK-KNOCK jokes. Therefore in this post I will tell you about some of them which I have heard or read somewhere, and one or two which I have made myself.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Opportunity.
Opportunity who?
You fool.. Opportunity knocks only once.

Knock Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken?
I had to knock.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time, I was nearly late.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ilene
Ilene who???
Ilene over you kiss my ass

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ulene
Ulene who???
Ulene over so I can kick ur ass

So the next time someone knocks at your door, just let him in and dont ask any questions.

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-07T15:00:00.000-08:00

People only see what they are prepared to see

At this moment I have this air of arrogance about me and I couldn’t refrain myself from expressing it. The case goes like this, I joined the blogging fraternity not too long ago, I thought it would be really nice around here but was I wrong???. After only 3 posts I lost the feel for it, but now I feel bad ,because the reason of quitting was very stupid that is the lack of appreciation or should I say the absence of it. But now I realize that word critic is not as much a misnomer as it seems, a critic can only criticize and applause is not one thing a critic dishes out ever.

But then I thought why the fuck should I stop writing if people around me don’t find my posts amusing, people have different likings so they have the write to be critical.
So I am glad that now I have seen the light and I will be back to my “up and down” posts as soon as possible. I have realized that the way to a happy and no trouble life is say " FUCK OFF" to everything and everyone who bothers you.

Accept your genius and say what you think

UNDER ATTACK!!!!!

2005-10-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

As most of all of you all might be aware that crime rate in the capital is on a high these days(yes i mean crime rate is drunk). And speciallu people around us have also been attacked and are actually very scared.

Earlier this week my friend Monkey was ripped off his pants in the middle of his road by a few criminals who were on the prowl for all those people who wear langots,luckily monkey never has any anda wear on, and got away with what was left on his body.Money has swore from now on to wear atleasts 2 pairs of trousers

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A few days ago our very delicate anda sir was also in a very cracked up situation. Anda, Patti,Angry and muself had had gone to ansals to find a replacement Monkey's lost brain. But anda got drunk(as in usne bahut peee---ya) and started talking rubbish and when we went into the lift a strange thing happenned.

A amn carrying a box of explosive entered the lift. Maine us bande ko kaha "bhaisahab yeh illegal hai" , to woh kehta hai "nahi nahi , mari hui cheel nahi ,yeh to bomb hai"

anda ek dum se ghabra gaya aur usne kaha"yaar sub apne kaan band karlo kyunki jub bomb phat-ta hai to awaaz se eardrums phat jaayenge(i guess ande ke liye Having perfect ear drums is more important than living)

Tabhi angry ko gussa aa gaya ,usne apni gun nikaali aur us bande ko shoot kar diya(hes a nice photographer) kiya, phir usne us bomb ko diffuse kara(in 6.78866 secs approx.)

i asked"yaar angry itna achha bomb kaise diffuse kara"

he answered with full modesty"yaar EEN mein to hum 1 ghante mein 15-20 atom bomb bana dete the, to yeh to kid stuff hai"

Thanx to the EE dep in IIt Delhi we are alive and more importantly our ear drums are ok.

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Patti ke saath bhi ek incident hua.(I am so worried , all of us are under attack). We had gone to Priya to play(not counter strike but chhupan chhupai) .

Patti as usual was flaunting his new credit card that his dad had got him, but then suddenly one guy comes running and patti ke doosre haath se uske wallet snatch kar ke le gaya. Patti maxx psyche ho gaya" yaar dad ne kha bhi tha ki credit card hamesha wallet ke andar rehna chahiye" . I guess Patti was being waaheyaat by worrying so much about a lost wallet,

We were lucky that P.G. Usha was there and she sprinted to catch the thief and caught him in no time( no time:- its a new restaurant).hum apni jaan pe khel kar chor ko monkey ke paas le gaye , Monkey acted real smart usne patti ke haath se credit card liya aur wallet mein daal kar chor ko de diya and told the thief he shud never be seen in this area again and the thief ran at full speed with Patti's wallet.

Patti says to Monkey "yaar I am glad that u gave him the card as well , atleast now i have obeyed my dad that the card shud always be in the wallet".Patti thanked Monkey, Monkey said"yaar I helped you because I know you are very impractical", we all felt relieved as danger had been averted.

I really preach each and everyone of you to Beware as You are never more than a picometre away from being UNDER ATTACK.

Humour is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's
superiority to all that befalls him

SHE

2005-10-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Through this post of mine I present before all of you a beautiful poem written by a very good friend of mine . It is one of the most intriguing peice of poetry I have come across,there is a reason i like this post as I am yet to understand the thought and the feeling behind the poem.Hope any of you can help me unveil the thought of the poem.

As always i wish to take no credit (all the compliments should be directed only at the person who has written this amazing poem)

SHE....

There is more to her than meets the eye
She’s deep as an ocean, vast as the sky
She says so much, yet says nothing
For it's a mysterious life, what she's leading
There are tears beneath her smiles
That could fill many a Niles
Yet all you notice is her lovely laughter
That infects you too, slowly or faster
She fills your life with smile and hope
And one day, you leave her and go
Taking along memories, some happy some sad
Of a stranger, who had once, made your heart glad
But strangers are to be met and forgotten
So soon you'll forget how close you had gotten
How easy it had been to talk your heart to her
How convenient, how soothing, like the touch of fur
You had wished she'd be there forever
To help, to console, to support your every endeavour
But then, when life was smooth, the wish, and the need, died away
Now she wasn’t noticed, though she was there anyway
Actually she didn’t even complain, so obviously she didn’t feel bad
And slowly, u forgot her, like a passing fad
She was a stranger, who knew me, is all you'll say
While in her heart, unknowingly, you'll always stay
She’ll still have those smiles, that hope on her face
Of course the tears would've increased, but that's beneath the surface
Sometimes you'd hate her, or discover how bad she is
How the care for you she shows off, is actually so intrusive
How mean and selfish she is, how much of a pretender
A liar, a flirt, a cheater, to hell you want to send her
How she talked to your enemy as nicely as you
How once she wasn’t there, to listen to you
When you wanted her to, but of course she didn’t know
When she should have known herself, what u wanted her to do?
So you'd either grow out her need, or hate her enough to forget
In the end another heartbreak, is all she ever gets
But that’s ok, that’s fine, that’s also what she deserves
And coz she's lived so much, she must have steel nerves
There’s nothing she ever said, or ever wanted to say
She’s just to be met, liked, then hated and driven away!

I hope yo people liked it cause I certainly did.

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as
well be happy

Introductions

2005-10-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

I have been very lucky when it comes to making friends at IIT, During my stay at IIT I have made a few excellent friends and their friendship is something I truly revere. There have also been pepole I have met a few times not often enough to be sure of claiming their friendship but that in no way makes them any less special.
Although I have met a few jerks as well but then u have to take the troughs along with the crests in your stride.We hardly call each other by our names , cause everyone seems to have a nickname which is in general,readily bestowed on a person who hangs around with us. So i now introduce almost all the funny,insulting,sarcastic and every damn kind of nicknames that we use quite a lot.

1. Maniraj Singh Juneja -----> Mani -----> Monkey , Junejer(cause he is under the misconception that he is american)

2. Pratik Gupta -----> Patti, Plastar,Chapatti and more rcently FP(not fountain pepsi)but Flirt Patti

3. Priya gupta -----> PG(she has almost that much knowledge),PG Usha(shes a natural athlete, and thanx to Patti for this nickname)

4. Aditya Bhatla -----> Angry dad with a gun -----> angry, arre yaar!(due to his hema malini type speaking style),Butler(american baggage), Tirchhi(aditya ----->addy -----> aari tirchhi)

5. Taru kapoor -----> Saru(thanx to mani, he really caught the essence of her mood swings in the name),DTC(Deceptive Taru Capur)

6. Praveer Garg -----> Veeru, anda -----> chooza -----> aanda shir, lately he is called Jackie(showoff) Garger(same ol'american crap)

7. Aman gupta -----> Chaman(ch for his department)

8. Jivitej Singh Chadha -----> Jivi -----> kiwi -----> T.V. -----> Chivi -----> JJ(stands for jouvenine jivi or jovial jivi)(thanx to our HU prof. Mr. God)

9. Puneet Ahuja -----> Tuscan(verve, for his flashy choice of shirts), Doggy(his affections for dogs is unsurpassable)

10. Pushkar Tripathi -----> Pushkin(we are not sure of his orientation), Teaparty(his sirname)

11. Ayush Nayyar -----> Maayush Ayyar

12. Arpit Nanda -----> Arbit Nanga -----> Armpit -----> Burpit(maine burpit khana khaaya)

13.Shubham Mittal -----> Chhaggi(AIR6) -----> Shoo-bum(big bum hes got)

14. Shamir Biswas -----> Bakwass -----> Maddu(his accent reveals a lot)

I have a few more but all of them dont make a lot of sense , the above are very sensible i know that.See the object of this post to tell you some of the most sensible things and i swear no rubbish.

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life

The Bug has Bitten

2005-10-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

O.k. I have to admit that the bug has atlast bitten me as well. My endeavour on this blog would be to keep you all in splits but sometimes i might act serious as well cause i have to respect the title.

Lets start with a joke that has the great joker Monkey Raj himself in it.

The scene was set, the ligts were dim and the music soft, for Monkey to act stupid.

(My friend Monkey actually speaks so much that he irritates you even more than the door to door salesmen, But once in a blue moon he can be funny)

Now the conversation between Me , Monkey and Taru(one more human being who has survived many a verbal poundings by Monkey)

Monkey: Taru yaar tuh meri baat kyu nahi sun rahi
Taru: kya hua?
Monkey: yaar main ghante se bol raha hoon tu sun hi nahi rahi
Me: Monkey ghante se bolega to koi kaisse samjhega , moo se bola kar

Now that was a resounding chapaat on his face.
Heheheheh hahahahahah hohohohoho hoohoohoo heeheehee cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!