Maybe the storm, maybe the calm , or maybe the hand..

I know its been a while, but I guess now I am back in the flow.. When I am writing this post I have a million things in my head which are big enough to have stayed there but also too small for me to be paying attention to them . Today, I feel like a fish who has met the water or like a stranger who has met another stranger.

I call it the

HOMECOMING

I had heard the thunder that was to come
I had felt the wave that was to come
I had steered before we had sailed
I had been hung to death before I was jailed..

Soon I found myself at the captain’s helm,
as everyone around me was jumping ship.
As the cruel dark clouds loomed just above the bow,
and the torrential rains began to fall
I just could not have braved the storm

My soul was  like the oar that momently
dies in a desperate stress beneath the wave,
then glitters out again and sweeps the sea
each second I was new-born from some new grave

The nights, agitated by the growing storm,
every thought suddenly expanded its dimensions
"like that the ordinarily would go unnoticed
like a cloth folded, and hidden in the folds of time"
leapt aimlessly , hopelessly to hold on to my albatross
knelt helplessly, waited for it to pass,


The thunder was no longer grim
The lightening was now growing dim
The rain was now getting slim
As the storm rolled on,When the storm was done 
I could almost see the sun
deep yonder swept me, beyond worriesome cries

woke up, " How still,How strangely still
The water is today,
It is not good for water
To be so still that way"
Silence fearful as the grave,
In the mighty waste of ocean
Sunk to rest was every wave.

"Sleep, sleep lazy fool
You’ve fought to long
There are terrors to come
You won’t sleep forever
Cause you’ll never be done" cried the dark lord..

The soul screamed, the lie seemed so real, 
reality seemed like a dream
the soul schemed, like a soldier had tried 
to fight a make believe enemy
someone stood there waving a hand at me
I wondered if I could just hold it to see

sun burning on the salt filled wounds,
I stretch forward to take the hand,
in a stumble to reach for her touch,
like the smoke does in a mist, it disappears
as always I was left just grasping air

It's for whom, that I tasted what i could never have
as I lay motionless there on the deck
I wanted to steer to where the mist had gone
the next moment I was lying under my grave stone
saw through my grave the mist, the smoke, the hand
only to feel the weight of the flowers it'd kept...

They sicken of the calm, those who knew the storm .

Failure.....

Sometimes we yearn for money, sometimes for fame , sometimes for sleep .... but have you ever yearned for someone? For those who have , I understand how tough it is.. and those who haven't.. well you have just been plain lucky..

When we lose hope of being able to be with someone, we turn away ,distancing ourselves from the past, basically from that person so that our lives dont intersect...but what we so often forget is that the fact that we loved the other person so much , will not let us forget them...

The following poem just reflects the state of mind of a person who had loved...........someone who had loved and lost...



A few days ago, in the past that I can not mend
Beaten! Lost!! I took along my friend
I had to go, had to leave someone behind
Had to live in the present, leave the future blind

Backpacking???? people asked me where to?
Honestly ,I said " Anywere, somewhere, i dont know"
I left, strangely, with John Denver on my lips..
Eager to ride the tides, jump of cliffs...

I ran away, ran as far as I could.
Through the jungle, across the woods
Beyond the hills, past the mountain
Alas!! I had to stop at the ocean.

Somehow!! I lost, I couldn't escape
Still my dreams, she would invade
I saw her in the sun, I could see her in the rain
I felt her in the pleasure, i could feel her in the pain..

I thought of her in the early morning light
Thought of her, waiting for sleep at night
I Sensed her, as the clouds surrounded me
Sensed her, witn every wave in the sea..

Fool that I was, I wished I will win..
Nothing worked.. vodka, whisky, rum or gin
As there is still blood rushing through my veins..
Failiure I am, as still..her memory remains..


I know someday I can get over her, the question still remains is Whether I want to???

Me Myself and I

I have no idea why i resumed blogging , maybe because moti explained its purpose to me today, but now that i have done, let me put up something in the same tune as moti's latest post (rohanjain.wordpress.com)

.........................................................................................................................................................................

I was feeling bored, a little lonely infact in this shithole called bangalore so as I so often do, i went for a walk alone and there I met three rather strange but similar people who put things in perspective

Come! !Solitude, my friend
Accompany me tonight.
come!!sit to my side
and bring your glass and pour in it
the anguish of solitary hearts.

inside its dark ,just the way i like
making it hard to breathe,its deep,
I wonder, if its only one of those sympathy strike
when i decide to escape,the walls are too steep
there is no one to help me,Am I too weak to help myself
my fingers don't hold ,so i'm stuck, in my hole
like always

I prodigalize my time on myself,
not becuase i have no other option,
Its my right, my prerogative
or maybe because, my psyche is not for auction

First I am apprehensive, what would I think of myself?
i am nervous, the words wont just leave my mouth,
I am ignorant,as to what one can talk to oneself?
I am perplexed,Do i cry, do I scream , or do i shout?

I was in thought, i didnt have to say things anymore
How I knew of things I never told myself..
I was shocked, to my inner core
How my self had been reading books off my mind's shelf

Then and there it struck, what I hade been missing,
All this while when I was a looking for a listening ear
I had myself, someone who understood even my hissing,
I realised what great company I am, isnt it queer?

I dont know why I was there!,
I am not a victim TO self-pity nor am I blind.
I got up at once , and started to leave,
but no! i had left someone behind....

Come solitude!
Let´s leave to walk and let´s scream to the world
the drunkenness of the sadness, we diminished
that tonight we drank its agony
in hope,happiness and belief it finished!!

Those who walk alone,walk the fastest .. those who walk with hope , walk the happiest..which side are you on?

Too Much Too Fast

How do I say goodbye to you
When we never really said hello?
Is it any easier to walk away from the seeds of Love?
Never given time to root and grow?

Sometimes I think I still can’t live without you.
A dull ache inside me
Realizes my yearning to be a part of your life.
If anything, you could only pull me out of this strife.

I make it through with the hope
That only time stands between us,
And each day will bring you closer.
But, I grow impatient
Why can’t it be tomorrow or sometime sooner?

Why can’t you ever love me?
When I’ve loved you for so long?
Perhaps you could just try to see
That maybe I belong.

The seasons have come and gone.
I never hear your name.
I don’t even know if to me you are known?
The thought that I ever loved you, drenches me in shame.

I will not remember the words you spoke so carelessly
That meant everything to me from the beginning to the end,
Filling me with new hope and new life.
But, killing me, my heart without granting a chance to defend.

At last! The time has come
When I no longer see your face in my dreams.
No more do I weep for you,
And reach out to hold you near me.
I do not hear your gentle voice singing in my head.
I dont Love you any more, I hate you Instead.

My love was always wrong.
Fool that I, believe in true happiness,
Thinking that my fairy tale had come true,
And my "Queen of Roses" had come to stay,
When she only came to say goodbye

When I put my life through the scanner,
I think I should have moved on in different manner
Is it that I didn’t do enough to make it last,
Or just that everything happened a little too much a little too fast.

To love something that you hate takes forever,but to hate something that you love takes only an instant

Adios

I know its been a while since I have posted anything but as they all say

“Ayush ke ghar der hai magar andher nahi”

But to be very frank I never quite got the hang of blogging, it’s a shame that I still feel like that after ten posts but I have to reconcile to the fact that I enjoyed writing those posts.

But its time that I came to terms with the reality that blogging just is not for me.

Its takes a lot of drive to keep these things going ,that’s why I rate Maniraj as a good blogger because day in day out he keeps on coming up with tickling posts. I also adore the manner in which Taru wrote, I liked the finesse with which she made bold statements.

But since I can’t do either I am calling it quits.

Bbye

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

Confessions

Here is what a boring lecture of Digital Electronics has produced.

CONFESSION

On a lovely winter morning
With the cool wind in my hair
Her invigorating fragrance filling up my lungs
I am elated just because, she’s here

She puts a garden of Roses to shame
Her eyes as glittering as two gems
Like candles in a holy place
Such is the innocence on my friend’s face

She talks like a dream
Cradles me like a mother
The way I like her I like no other
She believes its love, I don’t, or I just won’t.

I guess its time for a little fun as well.

The kid in the picture is patti's cousin. His real name is bandadge and his nickname is noddy. Actually the lights in Patti's house are so bright that he has to wear sunglasses.

(tanu kaala chachhma jachhta hai, jachhta hai tere mukhre pe)

One has to fall inorder to rise, that is, a trough is just as important as a crest

Not Much to Say!!

Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself - Plato

I took Taru's advice to think less, So i do not have much to write as well.

When all men think alike, no one thinks very much